failure
Last week, I completely failed a teen and a parent. Completely. And sadly, I had no idea until today. Like most of my colossal failures, this one was caused by the fact that I have never learned to control my speech. I struggle every day with not saying what I shouldn't and saying what I ought. I don't think it's prideful to say that I believe I have improved very much over the years in the "not saying what I shouldn't area," but the "saying what I ought" area is still a difficult place for me. Not that I don't ever fail by saying something I have no business saying, but last week's failure was not of this nature. Last week's failure came because I did not speak words I ought to have spoken.
Last week, I had a conversation with a teenager about a frustrating situation through which said teen is struggling. The teenager was venting about the situation, which does have several difficult points. I completely understand why the situation is frustrating, and I think the teen has a certain amount of justification for being frustrated. Unfortunately, the frustration is feeding the attitude of discontent and rebellion festering in his heart. Here's what I should have said: "You know, you're right. That's a tough deal. My brother went through that same thing, and it was tough for him. But, you know, he really learned a lot, and he made some friends, too. It might help to find a couple of positive things to focus on when you get really frustrated." Did I say anything remotely like that? Absolutely not. No, I just agreed with the frustration, mentioned that my brother had been frustrated in that situation, and basically enabled discontent and rebellion. I handed this teenager ammunition to feed the mire of anti-parental rebellion into which he's wading. And then I completely forgot about the conversation. Until today. Today, the mother of this teenager brought the conversation back to my mind, and asked me if I could be more careful with what I say around her child so as to avoid adding fuel to the pyre. I felt like someone sucker-punched me in the gut. In allowing myself to shirk my responsibility as a Teacher and as a Reflector of Christ, I added to the strain in a teenager's relationship to parents. I felt even worse because these aren't unreasonable parents who saddle their kids with unrealistic expectations and burdensome rules. These are parents who seem to grant their kids a balanced amount of freedom and a reasonable amount of respect. But they are parents who also seem to struggle in the face of the strong and assertive wills/personalities of their children. And I undermined them in their struggle. And it feels horrendous. I absolutely failed by allowing myself to be dragged into the negativity and darkness when I should have brought a ray of light into the situation.
In the years since high school, I have struggled against being destructive with my words. I used to be incredibly vicious with my speech. I was well aware that I could completely destroy another person with a sentence or two, and I used it whenever I felt like it. I had little to no remorse about the damage that I was purposefully inflicting on other people. Thankfully, God began to make me aware, to show me how beyond un-Christlike that behavior is. I still lash out destructively from time-to-time, but I do struggle against it; and, this struggle is, for me, a very small victory. Unfortunately, I have often neglected the other side of this struggle: the need to say the right things rather than just avoid the wrong ones. Intentional verbal viciousness has always seemed like the darker part of my struggle with speech. Today, I had a very vivid reminder that sometimes not saying something is far worse than saying the dark things. How much do I wish that my failures only affected me. I have chosen, however, to place myself in situations where my failures have the possibility of affecting others, and I need to be reminded of that. And that vigilance in the battle with my speech is constantly necessary. I just wish the reminders weren't so devastating.
