A Day In The Journey

I have sat here today trying to find words to say about 9/11. About where I was; about how I felt. When I watch the footage today, I still get the same chills I had that Tuesday morning. I was alone when I found out what happened. Kelly taught 2nd hour. I didn't teach until after lunch. When the phone, all I could think about was that I just wanted to sleep in. I answered it anyway.

"Renée. Something terrible has happened. There were terrorist attacks."
"What?"
"Some terrorists flew airplanes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Some terrorists hijacked some airplanes and flew them into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Nobody knows how many other planes have been hijacked. The buildings are on fire."

I don't even remember what we said after that. All I could think of was all of those people in those buildings. Our radio barely got any stations (yay, Griffith). So I got ready as fast I could while weeping, and ran over to the Grille to see if the news was on yet. It wasn't yet. So I ran back to my car, drove off campus and listened to CNN on the radio. I can still hear the newscaster's voice as he described the Towers falling. I still don't think I really believed what was happening. Who believes things like that can happen? By now I just couldn't take it anymore, I had to see this. I drove back to campus. By this time the news was on in the Grille. By this time there were people in there watching the footage in silence. I think that's the only time in my 6 years at school that there was such silence. I don't even know how long I stood there next to Yukimi Song, the two of us weeping. I think the only reason I could still stand on my feet was because my arm was around her, and hers around me. At some point, we went to get something to eat. I don't even remember everyone who was at that table. I know Kelly was. I know Jeremy Killian was. He said the thing I will never forget: "I understand now why Catholics pray for the souls of the dead. Because it all seems so hopeless."

I have no idea what I did in those two speech classes that afternoon. I know the first thing the students asked was, "Is it true?" I do still remember their eyes when I explained the truth. I remember feeling sick after the OK City bombing. This was beyond that. The thought of so many people dying is too much to grasp. What was phenomenal to grasp was what I wrote about the next day, and what is still so important to focus on: "It has been wonderful to see Americans filling their role as American. To see this great people stand on its feet, refuse to accept defeat; mourn with its soul, yet work as it must to keep moving." The fact is, thousands and thousands of people's lives were saved because average Americans and courageous rescue workers helped other people. I will never take a firefighter or police officer for granted again. And I will always hope that if I am ever in a situation remotely like that, that I will be one who reaches to help someone else. Because someone else is more important that I.

September 11, 2001, is still a ragged gash hidden under the skin for so many people. I can't imagine what it's like for New Yorkers, for those affiliated with the Pentagon, for families who lost. What I do know is that we need to keep a little of that raggedness no matter how much we heal. It's important.