bother
What do you do when you say yes to a date with someone to whom you feel you ought to give a chance, but you already know there just isn't a vibe there? I don't like worrying about this. I know--for various reasons--that there's a low expectation for this date. But I also know that it probably isn't going to change the way I feel. Especially since I have a crush on someone else. I know--a crush isn't anything. But I'm also fairly certain this guy that I said yes to has no clue what I'm really like--what he would really be getting himself into. Also, I think he's kind of boring. So. How do I do this thing? How do I make this friendly, yet clear that I think we should just be friends? And why do I feel the necessity of giving this guy a chance when I'm not particularly interested? Of course, it could be debatable that since I have a gut feeling where I already stand on this, I'm not really giving him a chance. Also, I suck at small-talk. This could be interesting. Thanks for letting me vent. Have a great evening.
*******update: Totally not all that exciting. The date was pleasant. His comment on Marlowe's Faust: i was kind of shocked when we started reading it; but, then by the end i could kind of see his point, so it was okay. So, you guys know how deep the conversation went, right? It was all nice conversation, but the few times I delved beyond what amounted to small talk, he just really didn't have anything to contribute. So, good experience as far as re-entering the dating realm; no second date will be granted. Thanks for the words of wisdom, all. I took it all to heart. Went to the coffee shop early and worked on lesson plans so I was calm and relaxed. Was friendly, but not encouraging/flirtatious. So. There you go. Here's to hoping for more interesting and exciting dates in the future. *cheers*
Comments
I have to say that I do not envy you!!! : )
Are you buying into that Schettler philosophy that girls should say yes to anyone who asks?
Since you've already said yes, just go and make the best of it. Maybe you'll be surprised. If he doesn't really know you, you probably don't really know him, right?
Instead of small talk, pick a topic, like Star Trek, literature, CSI, the church, music, the cost of gasoline, movies, etc.
You'll be fine!
Posted by: Jill | July 5, 2007 10:55 AM
Sounds like a challenge: Conquering the Unwanted Date: How to Just be Friends.
Make a game plan, a 10-step list.
Posted by: Honour | July 5, 2007 10:56 AM
The easiest way is just to talk about another guy. You know, kind of confide in him as a friend about your crush on someone else. It's not very sensitive, but it gets the point across! Or you could just be brutally honest, as I have usually been, and say, "Look, I thought we were just friends." But that's just me. I'm kind of tactless about dating. I never dated people I didn't want to date. Doug lectured me in college about that - he thought I was a terrible person for saying "no" to guys.
Posted by: Eumenidies | July 5, 2007 10:59 AM
Karen, I think I will channel your spirit. :)
I don't know where I've developed this guilt complex about saying yes to a guy just because he's nice and I can't think of a rational reason to say no. I guess I'm learning my lesson the hard way, huh?
Honour, I like the 10-step plan. I'll have to come up with something and post on it later. :P
Posted by: dramatic ren | July 5, 2007 11:00 AM
And remember: it is only one date. Nothing more.
Posted by: Jill | July 5, 2007 11:01 AM
All those broken hearts, Karen :0) Hee!
Renoir, dear...breathe. Relax. It's time out on the town. Is he taking you someplace fun? Someplace you can enjoy yourself without having to make too much conversation? You know, an activity or a movie? If it's dinner, then the talking thing will have to happen. YOU ARE AN INTERESTING PERSON with much to say about many things. He may be boring, but YOU ARE NOT! So, have a list of topics as suggested by Jill. Talk about what you love. Don't hide. You have absolutely no reason to be mousy about this. Dress in something that makes you feel confident and remember you have friends who love you, a God who has filled you with His beauty, and nothing to prove!
Now, get out there, order whatever you like, and in the end you may be suprised. If not, at least you weren't half-assed about the whole thing. :0)
You know I love you. Hugs* and no fears!
Posted by: Kelly | July 5, 2007 11:02 AM
Good for you! Good thinking going early and kudos to attempting deeper conversation! Sorry he at least didn't follow suit.
Posted by: Kelly | July 5, 2007 11:03 AM
i think it's really shallow of you to not grant a second date because there was no deep connection. You are forgetting the most important part of relationships--was he good looking?!! That's what really matters :)
Posted by: Coop | July 5, 2007 11:04 AM
ryc: bwahahaha! You know looks are the only thing I care about. ;)
Posted by: dramatic ren | July 5, 2007 11:05 AM