summer days. . .
It is extremely hot outside right now--okay, not so much at this actual moment, but todayish in general. I have been mainly doing nothing. :) Saying goodbye to my kids was incredibly really very difficult. I'm not sure what's worse: sobbing 5th/6th grade girls, crying middle school boys, or upper school boys that want to cry but won't because they still think it isn't "cool and manly." I will be seeing many of them again, though--Lauren Cooper asked if I wanted to take the paid-on-call-substitute job for Tuesdays and Fridays, and I said yes. I'm going to try my hand at teaching World Lit and Brit Lit co-op classes for home school high schoolers (that's a mouthful). Since my car is paid off, I don't have a whole lot of billage to pay (just insurance, really), so I have some leeway. Frankly, it is the best time to change lanes in my career, I guess. I think I'm also going to try my hand at some freelance writing. We'll see how that goes. It means I need to renew my brain in the area of Rhetorical teaching--quite different from the grammar teaching I've been doing. Of course, there will be some grammar aspects involved, but overall. . . .
. . .I've also decided that it would have been incredibly difficult for me to be at the school without my high schoolers. They've been such an indispensible part of my day. I'm overwashed in prayer for them always, but expecially now. I am worried about losing my connection/influence. I have faith that most of them will do fine, but a couple of them. . .well, I worry for them. I worry that their priorities are misaligned--resulting in regretful decision-making. We shall see, I suppose. They are in God's hands much more than they have been/will ever be in mine. There's so much I wish I could say to them all--but I'm afraid it would be horribly sappy and thus embarassing to the boys. Heaven forbid they should be embarrassed by their teacher. :) I have been so touched by them all. each one of them has taught me so much about myself--at least as much as I learned about them. Each one of them was a blessing to me. And each one of them has so much potential to succeed in whatever they put their mind to. What always discourages me is when they think they're dumb and average. As if. I hope and pray that they realize the potential and talent they have. I hope they seek to fulfill the desires and dreams God has given them. If they don't have any dreams, yet, I hope they ask Him for the desires and dreams He has for them. I hope and pray, above all, that they seek every day to become them men and women of God that they can be. After all, that is the greatest potential they can fulfill, and our culture so often steals the motivation for excellence and godliness. If I knew how to tell each one of them these things without being "cheesy," I would. Lastly, I hope I was as much of a blessing to them as they were to me. And even that they learned something! I miss them terribly already. Why exactly does God make letting go so difficult?
On a different note--I just spent whole lot of money to go to a wedding next weekend. yippee! Okay, so I'm looking forward to going a seeing friends I haven't seen in years, but it's hard to spend that much money for a two-day trip. Sheesh. Especially since I just spent an even larger amount of money for my 10-day trip to N.C. later this summer. I wish travelling were free! Of course, I suppose we all do. Such is life. People have to make money, and stuff is expensive.
On an even different note: between my last post and this, I saw the new Star Wars movie. Wow. It was phenominal. I really enjoyed it. The story was impressive. Even though you knew what Anakin would eventually decide, his path is surprising. You can't help hoping he will, somehow, stick with what he knows is right. But he doesn't . He wants to control fate too badly. His love has a defecTITLE: the inabilty to let go of what he loves. An all too human defect, I'm afraid. But previous loss has made him afraid to lose what he loves--possessive to an extreme that leads him to betray what is right for the promise of playing God to keep what he loves. Such a poignant reminded that all we have on earth is temporary, and we should be prepared to relinquish it at the proper times. This is exponentially true for Christians. Watching Anakin's descent into darkness was almost more than I could take--it was so dark and seemingly irrevocable. Yet, even near the end, when Obi-wan confronts him, he could have walked away from the darkness--such a picture of the availabilty of redemption. But he refuses, instead wallowing in his hatred and bitterness and false paranoia--such a picture of the sinful nature of man. It is a wrenching movie. The parallel between Padme's death and Anakin's "death"/return as Vader is beautiful and heartbreaking. I was so emotionally exhausted by the movie. I also had to come home and watch "Episode 4" (as it is now known) to renew my heart. I will say the end of the movie does give the glimmer of hope that is brought to life in the next movie. And it does so flawlessly. I was astounded and washed away by this movie. It should be seen. I will also say that the movie not only presents an introspective examination that is sharp and skilled, it also reminds us what liberty truly is worth. And that peace at any price is oppression. A reminder much needed in an age when we are told to keep to ourselves and mind our own business; that maintaining peace is the ultimate goal we should have, justice and right be damned. Though I would not go so far (as Padme almost does) as to say that all war is a failure of diplomacy, I think the movie makes a strong case for listening as well as for not sacrificing liberty and justice on the altar of peace. It's good stuff.
Anyway.