Main

May 13, 2008

it's a mad, mad, mad, mad world

I apologize for the lack of posting. Life has been hectic and weird. School is almost out, so right now is kind of like a weird maelstrom before the calm. We may all survive. Maybe. I had a two-mom-in-two-day showdown last week. And the Main Mom has been nitpicking me ever since. But I'm at the point where I just couldn't care less. That's probably not a good thing. I'm just so tired of her that not caring has become the preferable option to telling her exactly what I think. The downsides of teaching can be exponential in some circumstances. Good thing the upsides are almost always exponential.

In other news, my brother left for boot camp this morning. I miss him already. Seven months without my brother will be a very weird experience. Sigh. Keep him in your prayers if you could.

Well, that's about all I have at the moment. I will renew my posting vigour when school is finally out. And I've caught up on nine months of sleep. haha

February 20, 2008

menagerie of days

I don't have anything incredibly profound to say, but I felt like it was time to update something around here. School is going well, overall. Of course there are always bumps along the way since it involves dealing with 6th grade humans and 7/8 grade aliens. I never ceases to amaze me how an 8th grade boy can completely turn his entire brain off. For instance, two of the 8th grade boys earned a detention on Monday for passing notes back and forth in class (last hour, no less) about how mean and evil and strict, etc. the teacher sitting in the room is. She was sitting in the room. And could hear them. Hello? (The inability of said 8th graders to actually whisper is also a bizarre phenomena). So they served their detention, part of which was scrubbing urinals. Yes. Gotta love it. This job required wearing gloves, which they then decided to place inside the backpack of one of the 7th grade boys. What on earth? Needless to say, they earned a second detention. I'm not sure exactly what else they expected to come out of that. Sigh. It keeps life interesting, if nothing else.

I managed to catch a cold last week, also. I hadn't had a cold in years...I've had two this year. The first was manageable. This one hit me like a truck. I started sneezing on a Friday morning, by Friday night I was pretty much down for the count. Of course, I exacerbated the situation by driving to Lake Charles and back (2 hours each way) to do stats for the basketball teams. So I spent the weekend in bed. Monday dawned nearly voiceless. But I struggled through. By Tuesday, I was considering going to the doctor...which I never do. The other 5-8 teacher looked at me Tuesday afternoon and told the secretary to send around an email asking for a substitute for Wednesday. haha! So I got to go home early that day. At any rate, I struggled through last week with almost no voice, and coughing almost continuously. The kids now think I enjoy torture. I'm finally on the mend, but the 80% of my voice that has returned apparently makes me sound like Miley Cyrus. That has caused heretofore unknown hilarity among the ranks of students. It is pretty funny.

Other than that, life has been ... well, life. I finally read Crime and Punishment, my first ever Russian novel. It's a great read. It's already in the queue for a second read. Then I countered the deep book with Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep. Everybody needs a little noir every now and then, after all. And as usual, just when it seems that life is simple and manageable, complication comes to overwhelm my heart. But, it's just another reminder of Who I must trust, Who I must approach with my heart, with my complications, hurts, and joys. The result of all that personal complication, though, is less thoughtful blog posts. haha! It is those complications, and how we find our ways through them that molds us into who He wants us to be, though. It seems so hard to see that, but I just choose to know that it is Truth no matter how I feel about it in the moment. Eventually, it trickles down to change my feelings. Perhaps one day I'll be sanctified enough to move through that circle in ever rarer cycles. Perhaps.

So there's my life right now. Feel free to comment. It's interactive. :-D

January 24, 2008

stream of consciousness

I have no real topic today, but rather a number of random thoughts that have come to my mind. Just thought I'd share.

1) My brother joined the National Guard yesterday. He might be leaving for basic training on Wednesday. He's never been away from home for more than two weeks before. The house will be...odd without him.

2) The 6th grade girls are on a mission to sneakily deprive me of my coloured white board markers and substitute black ones in their place. So far, every attempt to force me to write with a lack marker has failed.

3) Cold, rainy days make me want to stay in bed. Instead I have to get up at 5.30. Not quite the same.

4) My sister broke up with her boyfriend yesterday. She didn't tell me. I found out from someone else. Also the fact that he came straight to our house after work. And then left before 9.

5) I upgraded my cell phone a couple of weeks ago. I really like it.

6) Inside recess is loud. For some reason the girls are chasing people around. And one of the boys is fending them off with a used Kleenex. Yes, that is life in the 5th/6th grade.

7) Both nights of basketball games this week are away...over an hour away. That's tiring. But I like my 'job' enough to do it. :-)

8) Teaching numerous subjects leads to desk messiness.

9) Apparently the idea of my love life is unbelievably more fascinating than anything else in the life of 6th graders.

10) We're studying the Battle of Little Bighorn this week. It always saddens me. I know that other countries and peoples have just a harsh a history of feeling superior and thus justifying unethical treatment of other groups. But that doesn't make our history any easier to study.

That's all I've got for today.

October 10, 2007

to the parents of future students

First quarter is almost over, and I've compiled a list through these weeks of things it would be nice if parents never did, and things they should always do. So, spend a minute perusing and save your children's future teacher a little grief.

What you should never do:
1. Let your 5th grade son, or any 5th grade child, whine to you about all the bad things that happened to him that day.
2. Proclaim that your child would never break any rules.
3. Believe that your child would never be unkind to anyone, and that is why he cannot understand when other people are unkind to him.
4. Coddle your son.
5. Tell your 8th grade student that what the teacher is teaching them in class is a "big waste of time."
6. Come into your child's classroom and reprimand his classmates for being unkind to him, for being unkind in general, and then explain how "sensitive" your son is.
7. Go to the head instructor complaining that your child's teacher is not "dealing" with problems in the class (aka: anything that bothers your child), when you have never spoken with said teacher about problems, nor asked how she had or had not dealt with said problems.
8. Justify your child's selfish behavior.
9. Try to control every aspect of your child's classroom/recess experience.
10. Agree with your child that the teacher graded their work badly.

What you should always do:
1. Forbid your child from relating only their perceived negative experiences. Encourage them instead to relate positives that happened during the day, and learn to ignore the negatives that just aren't so important.
2. Understand that your child is a sinner just like every other child.
3. Recognize that your child, again, is a sinner. He understands perfectly well why people are unkind; he just doesn't like it when it happens to him.
4. Raise a warrior son, not a self-absorbed whiner. Teach your son to stand up for himself and ignore what isn't worth standing up to, rather than running to you whenever something happens that he doesn't like.
5. Tell your child that learning is its own benefit. Tell them that even though it may be difficult or frustrating, learning to see things from several perspectives, learning to take things apart and apply new knowledge to them, is never a waste of time.
6. Recognize that children can be cruel and painting a big target of weakness on your son will be the worst thing you can do for him if he is feeling targeted already. Do not label your son as "sensitive" only, and then use that as a reason to avocate for him creating an embarrassing situation for all concerned. Teach your son compassion for others rather than "sensitivity" with regards to himself. See the next point.
7. Treat your child's teacher with respect. Go to the teacher first whenever you have a problem or concern. They may not be aware that there is a problem, or they may have already dealt with it timely and appropriately. Going over your teacher's head or usurping her classroom does not encourage your teacher to listen to your concerns. If you treat your child's teacher with respect, she will, in turn, respect you and be amenable to watching for and correcting the things that concern you.
8. Recognize selfishness for what it is: it isn't being sensitive when it only happens when the child is offended. Teach your child that others are more important than they are. Teach them to give others the benefit of the doubt, to not assume that everything that happens around them is directed toward them, and to ignore offenses directed at them while defending others, not themselves, from offense.
9. Let go of your children. Certainly there are stages of letting go depending on your child's age, but practice appropriate space from an early age. Controlling your child's school experience reflects a lack of confidence in your child's teacher while it also hampers your child from becoming who God has ordained them to be. Let them go. Let them stumble, if necessary. They won't learn to pay attention until the suffer the consequences of not paying attention. Understand that just because the teacher does things differently from you does not mean that her methods aren't affective.
10. Back up the teacher. If you have a question about something, speak with the teacher privately. Take the opportunity to teach your child that if she's made a bad grade, she should pay attention to why and make appropriate changes. Always, back up the teacher.

So, parents and future parents please pay attention. I know that the list of "nevers" is easier to do than the list of "alwayses." But the things that are best for your children aren't always the easiest things. Your child's teachers are on the same side as you: seeking the excellence of your children. These are just some thoughts from the teacher side of things.

September 26, 2007

failure

Last week, I completely failed a teen and a parent. Completely. And sadly, I had no idea until today. Like most of my colossal failures, this one was caused by the fact that I have never learned to control my speech. I struggle every day with not saying what I shouldn't and saying what I ought. I don't think it's prideful to say that I believe I have improved very much over the years in the "not saying what I shouldn't area," but the "saying what I ought" area is still a difficult place for me. Not that I don't ever fail by saying something I have no business saying, but last week's failure was not of this nature. Last week's failure came because I did not speak words I ought to have spoken.

Last week, I had a conversation with a teenager about a frustrating situation through which said teen is struggling. The teenager was venting about the situation, which does have several difficult points. I completely understand why the situation is frustrating, and I think the teen has a certain amount of justification for being frustrated. Unfortunately, the frustration is feeding the attitude of discontent and rebellion festering in his heart. Here's what I should have said: "You know, you're right. That's a tough deal. My brother went through that same thing, and it was tough for him. But, you know, he really learned a lot, and he made some friends, too. It might help to find a couple of positive things to focus on when you get really frustrated." Did I say anything remotely like that? Absolutely not. No, I just agreed with the frustration, mentioned that my brother had been frustrated in that situation, and basically enabled discontent and rebellion. I handed this teenager ammunition to feed the mire of anti-parental rebellion into which he's wading. And then I completely forgot about the conversation. Until today. Today, the mother of this teenager brought the conversation back to my mind, and asked me if I could be more careful with what I say around her child so as to avoid adding fuel to the pyre. I felt like someone sucker-punched me in the gut. In allowing myself to shirk my responsibility as a Teacher and as a Reflector of Christ, I added to the strain in a teenager's relationship to parents. I felt even worse because these aren't unreasonable parents who saddle their kids with unrealistic expectations and burdensome rules. These are parents who seem to grant their kids a balanced amount of freedom and a reasonable amount of respect. But they are parents who also seem to struggle in the face of the strong and assertive wills/personalities of their children. And I undermined them in their struggle. And it feels horrendous. I absolutely failed by allowing myself to be dragged into the negativity and darkness when I should have brought a ray of light into the situation.

In the years since high school, I have struggled against being destructive with my words. I used to be incredibly vicious with my speech. I was well aware that I could completely destroy another person with a sentence or two, and I used it whenever I felt like it. I had little to no remorse about the damage that I was purposefully inflicting on other people. Thankfully, God began to make me aware, to show me how beyond un-Christlike that behavior is. I still lash out destructively from time-to-time, but I do struggle against it; and, this struggle is, for me, a very small victory. Unfortunately, I have often neglected the other side of this struggle: the need to say the right things rather than just avoid the wrong ones. Intentional verbal viciousness has always seemed like the darker part of my struggle with speech. Today, I had a very vivid reminder that sometimes not saying something is far worse than saying the dark things. How much do I wish that my failures only affected me. I have chosen, however, to place myself in situations where my failures have the possibility of affecting others, and I need to be reminded of that. And that vigilance in the battle with my speech is constantly necessary. I just wish the reminders weren't so devastating.

August 15, 2007

why are there first days?

First days of school ought to run like opening night. Yet they never do. They are always far more like dress rehearsals--same slightly insane chaos, same feeling at loose ends, same wondering why everything seems just a little off-kilter. Oh well. I suppose that's what it's always like. I just always get home and wonder if I managed to grab the kids from the start, or if they'll holding out to see what I'm like tomorrow. This time felt more at loose ends than in previous years, less prepared. I hope I don't end up paying for it later with management problems. Oi.

At any rate, we all survived. Math was awkward. Tomorrow it should go better, though, because they will have literature assignments (I hope) to read while I cover the Math lesson for the other half of the class. Yes, that's right: I'm teaching 5th grade Math and 6th grad Math in the same class at the same time. It's not the first combined class I've taught, but it is the first combined Math class--and combined Math is a different animal. So I guess I just have to show it who's the the Alpha around here. :) I think it will be a good year. I certainly hope so. The kids are great. (Though I do have a rowdy couple of boys--you know, the class clown type.) With grace, we'll all be better people at the end of the year than we are now. And that we will all learn together to glorify and enjoy God through our classroom activities.

May 30, 2007

and the oscar goes to.....

For everyone who has been waiting in suspense with me...or just waiting...I HAVE THE TEACHING JOB!!!!!!!

God is amazing, isn't He?

April 27, 2007

partially there

I got a phone call from Mark Dolan yesterday afternoon. He said he presented the case to the board, and they were "very interested" in having him pursue me for a position. YAY! *putting the excitement away again* Now we just need to have a face-to-face meeting. Scheduling that may be interesting. So, just keep praying for the way to remain smooth. And pray that I can take some afternoon time from work to meet with Mr. Dolan.

And thanks for all the prayers already offered--I do not underestimate them! :)

April 23, 2007

more prayers; more prayers

Well, the phone call went well. We covered a lot, including my bane of classroom management. We talked about where I was when teaching there before, where I am now, where I would like to be. So, since the decision not to renew my contract was administrative, Mr. Dolan will be presenting the case for pursuing re-hiring me at the board meeting tomorrow night. Oh, the waiting...the waiting. Continued prayers are in order. I'm very happy that Mr. Dolan is pleased with the way our conversation went. He's completely behind me and will be completely behind me before the board. Praying. Praying.

pray pray pray

So I got a call from the principal of the classical school at which I worked a couple of years ago. They are looking for teachers for next year--including 5th and 6th grade which I taught before--and he wants to talk to me about possibly taking one of those positions. Guys--I was totally praying for this when I went to the silent auction a few weeks ago to show my face again. I really want this. I really want to be back in a classroom. I really love the school. I am really passionate about the classical model.

The things to pray for: that Mr. Dolan and I click (already on a good note since we're both Mac users); that when the issue of classroom management is addressed, it will be okay (that was the issue behind the non-renewal of my teaching contract, but the person leaning on that isn't there anymore and isn't Mr. Dolan); that I'm offered a contract for 5th and/or 6th grade (I don't really do younger grades). I really want this (I think I've said that already). I'm not ready to relocate, yet, and this is a perfect opportunity for me--it would be less money than I'm making now, but with much more soul-food. :)

October 05, 2006

the great homework debate

Not too long ago, I watched an interview with this man, Alfie Kohn. He's just published a book entitled The Homework Myth: Why Our Kids Get Too Much of a Bad Thing, which has brought the discussion about homework to the forefront again. He makes some very rational and compelling arguments for why the modern move to add more and more homework is actually harming children and their educational performance. In this article, he articulates the basic ideas of his position on homework. I tend to agree with him. In the interview, he stated that other than basic amount of math review, the most effective homework was simply reviewing or driling facts in the car on the way to school. It reinforces what they've learned without overwhelming them. Of course, high school requires more than that--usually a certain amount of reading, etc--yet, still not nearly as much as most high school students are being given. When I was teaching at BRCCS, the principal encouraged all the teachers on the grade school level to try to eliminate all but math homework as much as possible. It was not that difficult, and I really liked the results. The maximum we tried to give when homework was needed was about 30-45 minutes for gradeschool and an hour or so for upper school. I've also heard the idea of 10 minutes per grade: 10 minutes for 1st grade; 20 minutes for 2nd grade, etc. Personally, I think that may be too great of a steep as it leaves middle schoolers with over an hour of homework a night. But I'm wondering what you think. What was your homework experience like? Pros? Cons? If you could change one thing about the way homework was given in your school setting, what would you change and why? I'm interested to hear your thoughts.

August 23, 2006

useful techno toys

This morning on the Early Show (yes, pauly, on cbs...), I watched a very interesting bit about a school district in Arizona. They are beginning to integrate SmartBoards into their classrooms. This is a really fantastic product. {warning: I love this thing--this may start to sound like an ad :)}

Now, I have fairly specific thoughts about the integration of technology in the classroom. I think it's very necessary, but should be implemented in certain ways. For instance, I think every child in the classroom having a computer at all times is ridiculous and distracting. And despite what some educrats say, it doesn't raise the level of education received. What I have seen implemented in a school district near me recently that I really liked was a mobile computer lab. It's made up of a number a laptops connected to a mobile server, all on a rolling cart that can be moved from classroom to classroom as needed. I like this because it gives teachers and students access to computers when useful and teacher-directed without cluttering the room with distractions from hands-on and socio-interactive teaching/activities. Having watched educrats and commentators on American schools laud technology indiscriminantly--hailing anything new and computer-oriented whether or not it brings acual enlightenment into the classroom--I was a little leery when I first started hearing this story. After all, what's wrong with the white board? I like it. But as I watched the SmartBoard in use, I got hooked. Here's a little insight into why:

When I taught 5th/6th grade last year, I had 13 students and 1 computer--mine. Now that's not a huge problem, but I did find, from time to time, interactive lessons online that I would like to have used in my class. The drawback was that I didn't have the computers to handle it. The SmartBoard is linked to the teacher's laptop/desktop and a projector, thus making any material on that computer or the internet available for use in front of the class. That means diagrams, maps, articles, quizzes, puzzles, games, pictures, audio clips, and even films! All of the things that I loved integrating into my classroom, but made soooooo much easier. With the SmartBoard, it is so simple to create an interactive learning experience without sacrificing content or organization. Not only that, but the SmartBoard itself is manipulatable. A teacher or student can "write" directly on it. The text can be moved--actually any object can be moved or manipulated by touching the Board. I was fascinated. As a teacher, I found this one piece of technology a hugely useful addition to the classroom experience. Think about it: while covering the Spanish-American war, a teacher could immediately put up maps of the Battle of San Jaun Hill, draw arrows showing troop movements, even play a video clip of the Rough Riders from the online archives of the Library of Congress. Or on the high school level: covering Oedipus Rex the teacher could use pictures and perspective models of Greek theatres, assembling it one section at a time, play clips of productions, put sections of text on the board for the class to enact.

I don't usually get this excited about new technology, but today's students are so surrounded by it in the lives outside of school, that having technology inside the school is inevitable, and I would admit, even necessary. The next step becomes insuring that the technology we choose to spend money on, what we choose to apply in the classrooms, is useful and unobtrusive. I am really excited about this technology brings into the classroom experience. I hope that as more schools begin to use it, that it will re-awaken the classroom as a conversation. Because more than any other piece of classroom technology that I've seen recently, this one has that potential--to eliven the learning process again by making it more about real things rather than just line drawings on a page of a dull textbook. And it does it without forcing stupid "learning" video games or extraneous projects on the students, or large amounts of extra work on the teacher. In fact, it probably neatly replaces the time spent typing up a worksheet or chart and running all the copies. I hope this gets the attention and push among other school systems that it deserves.

July 14, 2006

Wellness, Academics, and You

I was watching the Early Show this morning and I saw a bit about a new, federally funded program being implemented in a Georgia school district. The program, called Wellness, Academics, and You, integrates nutritional knowledge with core learning. For instance, a teacher might use a nutritional information label in reading class or calculate Body Mass Index as a math exercise. I'm really not sure how I feel about this. Certainly the program has some good aspects, like the fact that kids are now more interested in healthy food and thus get their parents interested in healthy food, but I wonder if there aren't some negative aspects that aren't being addressed. I know that childhood obesity is an invasive problem right now. The reasons for this are many, but often center around something very simple: parents are too busy to cook so children eat a lot of fast-food and pre-packaged food, while not getting enough excercise to burn those calories. I know that we need to combat this problem before it has more lasting socio-economic effects. But is this the right method? I mean, let's face it, public school systems are struggling to graduate literate students, mainly because the curricula is already to centered on social engineering, do classrooms need the added distraction? Furthermore, we are already a society centered on the physical. While teaching children about healthy eating and exercise is good, some of this program includes things like calorie counting. Do we really want an entire generation focused on adding up the numbers on their food and feeling guilty if they indulge a little? Perhaps I'm over thinking this, but I can only look at the teenagers I know who constantly struggle with feeling fat when they aren't. And that's not just the girls. These are healthy kids who eat healthy food and are very fit. No, they aren't the picture of slimness, but they are healthy. I wonder if in trying to combat pediatric obesity we aren't focusing too much on weight and not enough on health. I wonder. I also wonder if a bigger step to combatting this problem is a much simpler one: recess. I know that sounds simplistic, but think about it. Many children these days sit around in school all day and then go home and sit around some more. In trying to create "better" education, many schools in the nation (private as well as public) have eliminated recess and extended homework. If we want to encourage children to be healthy, we need to teach them how to play healthy. My last principle was very adamant about recess for this very reason. He insists that recess is a vital part of education because it not only teached children to play together (not always as easy as it sounds), but it teaches them that playing is important, that being outside is important. And, added bonus to teachers, it expends energy! It seems to me that this matter of eliminating pediatric obesity is a delicate one, but focusing on weight may end up being a pitfall. If we can focus kids on being healthy and teach them to play outside, this can work. As long as we don't sacrifice actual curricula for nutritional information.

What do you think?

June 29, 2006

david and dora

While rereading David Copperfield, I was once again struck by David's fascination and love for Dora when his obvious match mentally and emotionally is Agnes. Not there there is anything wrong with Dora--she is loving and kind and certainly endeavors to become something better than she is--yet, it is very apparent that David cannot connect with or converse with Dora on level at which he can with Agnes. In fact, reading it as a more mature person than I was the previous time, it is obvious to me that his truly deep and founded love is not for Dora at all, but is from a very early time for Agnes. So what is it that draws David to Dora? Certainly her beauty has much to do with it, and combined with her lightness of person and the fact that his early meetings with her are all under lovely conditions rather than real world circumstance, I suppose that makes for powerful persuasion. Of course, not being a guy, I'm sure I don't have a total grasp of it all, but still. I suppose it strikes me at this point more than ever because of a situation I see unfolding before me. This one hits close to home for me as the young man concerned is one of my students. I have seen him learn to exercise his reason, to think through the facts presented and make applications, to ponder, to search out truth. I have heard him answer very reasonably why Dante, while breilliant, was in doctrinal error (perhaps you see one of the directions this is going already). Yet now, I see him making two unreasoned decisions and passionately persuing them. The first is, to me, the most important, exp. since I believe the second stems from this first: a desire to join the Catholic Church. Now, before I offend anyone, my wariness comes not so much from the desire itself (though I, personally, believe the RC deviates from scripture in some important areas)--his life is his own to direct. I understand that. My problem with this desire, and my disappointment with his choice, comes from the motivations. These motivations, though he lists them out as several points, boil down to this: an emotional response to several experiences that made him feel part of a group, and a belief that an encounter with Christ had everything to do with Liturgy rather than personal humility of spirit. I have neither seen nor heard any evidence pointing to him examining the doctrine and teachings of the RC and finding himself in agreement with them. In fact, he seems to have very little knowledge of what the Church teaches. That bothers me. The majority of his encounters with the RC have come from a charismatic youth retreat centered around experience and emotion rather than factual teaching. He even argued with my sister about the existence of more than one type of Catholic service (ie: traditional, charasmatic, orthodox Latin, etc.). His response to her query as to what type of congregation he was considering joining was, "There's only one Catholic Church." True on the surface, but charismatic Catholics are very different from the conservative Catholics who still prefer the high service in Latin. If he were making a reasoned, informed choice, I would be less anxious...but I believe I've already mentioned that.
The other decision more factually mirrors the David/Dora dilemna, but flows directly out of the above issue. He's met a girl. In fact, he met her at this year's retreat, a week ago. Suffice it to say he barely knows her. He's already asked her out. The reason he likes her is that she's "amazing." When asked what he likes about her, "She's amazing." You get the picture. I have a strong suspicion that one of the "amazing" things about her is her Catholicism. In fact, lately I have noticed a trend that the only girls he mentions as being really godly and loving God are Catholic girls. Granted, "amazing" girl may be great--but how can he know from a handful of conversations, mostly, apparently, about catholicism. It seems rather like he's latching on to her because she's there and catholic, and he is now rather obsessed with the ideal of the RC. Perhaps I'm overly worried. I don't know. I just hate to see one of my kids jumping out of the boat with no life-jacket and no real understanding of why. I sense a disillusioned end looming on the horizon. I could be wrong; but, I'm always nervous when reasoned thought is excluded from the decision making process. Especially in the realm of such important decisions.

June 08, 2006

hmm. what to say.

Here's what I have learned in the last few months--particularly the last month--God made me a teacher. I suppose I should clarify. I'm a very capable secretary. I get things done. I like typing and I'm pretty good at it. I've learned a lot about the civil judicial system and how to write legal documents. My heart aches at the thought of not having any students next year. The day after my last co-op I was so glad that Oscar came in late, because when Joann, the other secretary, asked me about it being my last class I burst into tears. Yeah. Mom thinks I might jsut be in withdrawal. I think she just likes the idea of my having a secure job with a guaranteed paycheck. It isn't that I don't like this job. I like it fine. The thing is, it's just a job. Teaching is definitely my vocation. This leaves me with various questions about what I should do with myself. At this point in time, I've agreed to work for Oscar until next May--it helps with the salary issue. So...do I look for another teaching job for 07 in another state? Or, do I apply to U of Glasgow for the MA in Dramaturgy? Or do I look for another teaching job in a University town and apply for PhD part-time? Or what????????????? I hate questions about the future. And I realize that none of these questions needs to be answered immediately, but I can't help trying to figure it out so I'll know what I'm doing. What I do know is that I am using my fairly nice salary to save up for the downpayment on a house wherever I end up. Sigh.
On a different note, on the last day of World Lit we watched almost all (I skipped some uneeded scenes due to time constraints) of Depardieu's Cyrano de Bergerac. I always forget what an amazing actor he is until I watch him again. Phenominal performance. And an amazingly beautiful movie. I only had one glitch, and it's so very silly. At the very end of the play, Roxanne doesn't say, "I have only loved one man, and now I have lost him twice;" and Cyrano says, "My panache" rather than "my white plume." I know, I know. The true word is probably panache, but I love that line. At any rate, one thing I adore is viewing a film in class and at the end, the students remark how great it is--they really liked this one. In English Lit, we watched Death on the Nile. that was a pretty big hit, too. A little depressing, but they definitley enjoyed the puzzle of it all. I thought it was a good end to the class because as a novel, it incorporates much of what British Literature--and the popular British novel--was int he Twentieth Century. And as an A&E film, it was a well-done adaptation. I have many thoughts and feelings that I want to write about this past year, my heart at another end to another school term, but I can't get them out right now. I think I need to reflect on it a little more.
New thought. My baby sister graduated high school. Wow. I think she's a little overwhelmed at the thought of life opening before her. But then again, aren't we all still at times? She's also a little...frustrated that she is graduating high school and no boys like her. I know that sounds shallow--but I think it's hard to reach a milestone like that and wonder why you can't find a guy that cares for you. It's hard for me to see. There is one guy in particular that she cares for, but he's having his own struggle right now that does not include noticing a friend. I wish I could help, but I know if I got too involved, I'd just stick my foot in it. Not helpful. And it isn't like I have all the answers. :) Ah well. I think she's amazing and beautiful. I'm so glad she's my sister, and that's she's winning in life.
sister.jpg

April 23, 2006

57 days

Well, it has been 57 days since my last post. I apologize. Many, many things have been going on. Other than the usual filling of my time with reading, researching, writing lesson notes, I now have another job. Many of you remember a couple of years ago when I battled the state about my non-certifiable status. Because that issue has never been resolved positively, I still can't teach at any private school that receives the TOPS scholarship (even though it's a private scholarship fund, it's managed by the state at the state's discretion, and schools whose graduates receive it have to meet state standards). Last year, at the classical school, I didn't have that problem as they don't receive TOPS. Of course, for various reasons, my contract wasn't renewed there for this year, causing me to substitute and launch my homeschool co-ops. Well, near the beginning of March, I started looking around to see what I was going to do after this school year. Several people suggested I look into college-level teaching, so I was working on cover letters for my curriculum vitae when a job dropped into my lap. Not a teaching job.
I can't remember what I've written about my dad looking to sue the company that owned the oil rig, but he is. He had called and talked with several different lawyers, some old classmates of my uncle, and one of them happened to be old friends with another homeschool family we know. Mom and Dad were at physical therapy one morning when he (the lawyer) called. I answered the phone, and we had a brief conversation about why I wasn't in school, that I was teaching part-time, that I went to a Christian college in Florida (he went to Abilene Christian College), and then I took a message and hung up. I didn't think much of it until the end of the week. I came home from substituting and Mom said she had news for me. They had met with the lawyer that morning and had gotten into a conversation about why it was so hard for me to teach in Louisiana. He was flabbergasted ( I like that word) and said that I seemed nice and intelligent, did I want a job? Apparently, he had just lost his assistant, would I like the job. So, I took it. So, on the side from my co-op teaching, I am learning to run someone's else's life, mostly, and also how to work with some legal stuff. It's very interesting--not teaching--but interesting. I'm kind of accepting it as an interim. It will give me a couple of years to maybe pursue some more schooling, maybe get a little house, we'll see. So, that is why I haven't been posting as much as I ought. Once school is over, I'll have more time to post--I won't be trying to squish in my lesson work. :) At any rate, that's my brief update.
My dad is doing well. He saw the shoulder surgeon yesterday, and he said he ought to regain about half the strength in that shoulder--that the muscles are strengthening well and will make up for the loss of bone. He won't ever get full rotation, though, because the socket is gone. He also had the first couple of surgeries to rebuild his ear. They seem to be going well. I haven't seen the result as it is bandaged and I have no desire to see what's underneath right now. :p My sister had her 18th birthday last weekend. We threw a luau--it was really great. Everything went well. I made chicken and pork and this really great punch. We had pineapple and melons and sweet potatoe chips. It was a lot of fun. I can't believe my baby sister is 18. It's a very strange feeling. Sigh.
On another very brief and final note: having watched the musical of recent controversy (of which I may write more on a later date), I have a couple of things to mention: that Jesse L. Martin can really sing and I would never have guessed, that some of the most amazing and intriguing harmonies are in this film, and finally, why are those of us who have the most reason so afraid to live as though there is "no day but today"?

March 04, 2006

hamlet, the movie, so many versions

Okay. So. Here's what I've been doing in class: watching Hamlet. I think I may have spent more weeks on Hamlet than anything else we've done. Maybe. But I really wanted them to get the feel of how many different ways a production of a Shakespearean play can be done. First, of course, we all read the play--I wanted their evaluations of the productions to be based on the actual text of the play, not necessarily whether or not they liked it. Of course, personal opinion comes into play, but first and foremost, I wanted them to judge the productions on whether they were true to the spirit of the play or not. We watched the Olivier version, the John Guilgud/Derrick Jacoby version, the Nicol Williamson version (with Sir Anthony Hopkins as Claudius), the Mel Gibson/Zefferelli version, and the Kenneth Branagh version. Okay, so we didn't watch the entirety fo them all or we'd still be watching films! But we did watch major scenes from them all--more scenes from some than others. I was really pleased with the way my students dealt with the different productions. We had several very thoughtful discussions about the differences between each, and the respective merits and weaknesses of each. I have to say (proabably b/c of my carefully lowered expectations of teenagers) I was surprised at how much they enjoyed/appreciated the Olivier version. I guess I thought they'd be too jaded. I should have expected better since they really liked the Errol Flynn Robin Hood. Ah well. So now they are busily writing critical analyses: not only analysing the play itself, but also 2-3 of the productions. This ought to be interesting. Of course, I always assign these things because I know they are really great for my kids to do, but then I realize--I have to notate/grade them. Sigh. Well, I only have a few students, so it isn't too bad. I'm actually looking forward to reading them. My frustrating student has actually had some thought driven responses to the play/films. I only got a "if you love Jeesahs" response once or twice. (by the way, the creative pronunciation spelling is courtesy of sister who adores calling the superficial/shallow Jesus ideas/pictures "Jeesahs.") Anyway. My other project--not that all my students aren't all projects in their own way--but my other major project this year has been "bottom-line" student. I'm sure I'll hear about this when he reads this, but too bad. This student is very smart and usually has something unique to add to the discussions, but has two problems. The first is actually getting to the bottom line. He's getting much better at it. Now he usually gets right to the point without trekking around the bushes first. His other problem, which I still see him copping out to every once-in-a-while is the desire to make sure the answer is right before he says it. He is getting much better at risking it, I have to say. I've said all of this to say--no matter how frustrating the kids can be, it is really heartening to watch them and realize that they are growing through their learning, not just adding a bunch of new facts to their brain-files.

On a different note--in World Lit we've been plowing through Eastern philosophy and poetry with The Inferno in between. The kdis picked up on a lot of the allegory and the links between sins and punishments in The Inferno. It was good to see. Wednesday, after we talked about (they read sections on their own), we read through some Persian and Arabian poetry. I am always fascinated by the beauty of it, especially the Sufi poetry, but seeing my students see the beauty of it was so neat. I know that's such a ... boring way to put it, but it's all I can think of right now. I was really taken aback when I asked what they thought/felt about the poems and my boy student (after all, teenage boys aren't particularly known for appreciating nuance) said, "It's really beautiful, but still pagan." I agreed. It's almost heartbreaking to read the profound spirituality and beauty of the poetry and know that it is written for Allah. It hit me even more because I just finished re-reading The Chronicles of Narnia and was again touched by the role of the young Calormene soldier and Aslan's response to him.
"...because we are opposites, I take to me the services which thou hast done to him, for I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and which is not vile can be done to him. therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath's sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, though he know it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted."
I know that isn't exactly orthodox, but it is beautiful. and I wonder that we can't see or understand everything that is God's revealing himself to individuals. The passion of Rumi humbles me because I don't always seek to be that passionate with my Lover. At any rate, this is one of the reasons I love teaching: not only opening the eyes of my students to broader horizons, but having my own enlarged.

February 06, 2006

teenagers are somebodies

I had a very interesting and multi-faceted conversation with a friend the other night. We were talking about Antigone and the multiple difficulties inhernent in discussing the play, and in discussing with students who have never read Oedipus Rex. At some point, Antigone's age had become a point of discussion for the class (was she 17 or 13). That got us talking about teenagers today and how they are largely ignored. Now some of you are reacting this way: "What? But so much of society is geared toward the teenage consumer--what do you mean ignored?" True. Much of marketed products are geared toward teenaged consumers. But. How often does an adult take a teenager seriously? How often do teachers in the average school carry on discussions with their students in which the students opinions are given merit and weight? How many parents involve their teenagers in family decision making? Not enough. I think that a large part of so-called "behavioral issues" among today's student bodies can be chalked up to teenagers being ignored. Think about your high school years. How many classes incorporated serious, thoughtful discussion in which the students' thoughts/opinions were taken as serious talking points? I have a feeling not many, if you can think of any. The structure of today's classroom--despite serious modern undermining of professorial authority--is geared more like this: students sit in desks and have ideas poured into their brains by teachers who lecture most of the class and then ask basic factual recognizanze questions to discover whether or not the students are listening. Am I right? Here's a better model (and one that shows how much I agree with the classical model of education): high school students are given facts and context for what they are studying, then they learn to reason out their own ideas and opinions, and practice expressing them in class. Hmmm. In which model would teenagers feel usefull and significant? Here's the reason this matters: my friend is a graduate assistant in charge of leading discussions over reading covered in the class; he often struggles to get his college students to talk--to express their opinions and discuss them. Because the structure of most high school classrooms ignores the input of its students, when these students get into a college classroom, many of them have no idea how to form or express an opinion, but they are suddenly expected to. Now suddenly they are to be contributers, but no one has taught them how. How frustrating that is for both them and their instructors! The solution? Adults need to appreciate the significance of teenagers. This attitude that teenagers are troublesome and unreasonable needs to go. (Of course, that would be helped if we could get rid of the teachers who hate their high school students and think they are stupid--I've worked with some of these.) Don't anyone misperceive me, and say that I think teenagers are autonomous beings who are the same as adults. I don't. Teenagers still have a lot to learn, and just because you give them serious credit for their ideas and opinions doesn't mean you go along with them/agree with them/make decisions based on them. Teenagers are not adults, but they are almost adults and should be given credit for that. Teenagers have a lot to offer--adults, whether parents, teachers, or mentors, should recognize that. Ignoring the value of teenagers simply stunts their ability to interact as adults when they get there. And before they get there, it spurs them to act out to get the attention they ought to be getting for their ideas rather than their behavior. I think society would be amazed at the difference that would occur if teenagers were led down the road to adulthood with respect and consideration, rather than expecting them to be silent and swallow whatever adults hand them to swallow.

I hope all that made sense. At any rate, I try very much to treat my high schoolers as independent beings who have a great deal to contribute to my class. Their answers may not always be right, but when they aren't, we discuss why. It never fails that I have to fight against the fear of being wrong. Even with homeschooled students. There is so often a fear of saying something I won't agree with and that will be wrong. I tell my students over and over to just say what they think. Just because I don't agree with them doesn't necessarily make the answer wrong. If they can't defend their position, I'll count it wrong; but if they have good reason for their opinion, then points for them. We'll discuss it. Sometimes I learn a completely new way of looking at something because of a student. I have a broader knowledge base than my students, but I am still just as much a student as they are. If I discount their input, I rob myself and I undermine their growth. That's not saying I don't fight the temptation to always present my opinions as the absolute right answer--the power involved in being a teacher can be terribly mishandled and very narcotic--but they aren't. I've learned alot from my teenagers, and I hope above all else that I've taught them that they are valuable, they are contributors that matter in my class and in society. If other teachers did the same, if they made teenagers feel valuable rather than insignificant, imagine the adults we would be sending into the world.

December 22, 2005

harry potter, rough drafts, leadership, and anything else

So it's been awhile since I've posted--mainly just because I've been lazy. ah well. My aim is to make up for that by posting alot today! How does that sound. I have several thoughts to put down today, and two of them based on statements run across in Harry Potter, I suppose I'll start there.
Watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the third, yes third, time yesterday, I was able to be struck by several statements in a more particular way. The one that really grabbed me occured about halfway through. For those who have never read or seen this book/movie, it centers mainly around the Tri-Wizard Tournament, a very dangerous and famous competition held every few years between the three main wizarding schools. Not long after the second task, the Head of Magical Law Enforcement, is found mysteriously dead on the Hogwarts' school grounds. Dumbledore, the Headmaster, tries to convince the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, that the Tournament should be stopped. Fudge replies, "But what will people think?" Dumbledore's very astute answer is this: "A true leader does what is right regardless of what people think." That really struck me. I going to wax a little political now. In the last few years, much media emphasis has been placed on opinion polls--and not just with W., I believe the trend really began to amplify under Clinton. But now, of course, we end up hearing so much about them, and whether W. is getting good numbers, and whether his policies are popular. As though that really mattered. The fact is that Dumbledore is absolutely right--true leaders don't give a rip about opinion polls, they care about whether or not their policies are what they believe is the right thing to do. A politician (or authority figure of any kind, really) who changes their positions and policies to reflect what people like is not a leader. Whether I agree with W., or any other leader, should not affect what he believes to be right. Granted, we live in a country where we, individual people, have more say in the political and legislative process than in most countries in the world. I'm not criticizing that at all--it is basically the best political structure around. The problem comes when we decide that having a strong say automatically means that our leaders should bow to our every whim or fascination. Wrong. I have the utmost respect for leaders who stand for what they believe, even if what they believe is diametrically opposed to what I believe. If they have a reasoned-out position that they are willing to stand for regardless of what other people say, I respect them. The "leaders" that I do not respect are those who take their cues from opinion polls; those who walk around with their finger in the wind to see where they should take a stand today. So then my point--while I don't always agree 100% with W. on every issue, on every policy, I respect him greatly because he has done, and is continuing to do, what he believes is right regardless of what opinion polls or media commentators say. That takes guts. If people want to criticize him, they should do so based on the facts or on the reasons, but not on whether or not people agree with him or like him. That is a ridiculous criticizm to adopt. And furthermore it seriously weakens the position of leadership because people start to believe that leaders are merely to be a spokesperson for our opinions, and leaders are never merely that, esp. in difficult times. Leaders are those who choose to stand for right, regardless.
Next point, and another HP quotation. This is from Book 5, so those going only by the movies will get a sneak peak--no spoilers though. In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix we meet the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Dolores Umbridge. At the end of Book 4, we watched as Lord Voldemort, a very evil and dangerous Dark Wizard trying to rule the world (as all the truly great villains so), has regained a physical body. The war between good and evil is back on the table, and danger is ever-present. The Ministry of Magic, however, is choosing not only to ignore this, but to attempt to discredit Harry's and Dumbledore's statements about LV every chance they get. It is to this end (and to place a spy at the school), that the Ministry has placed Miss Umbridge in the D.A.D.A. position. Of course, if what Harry and Dumbledore have anounced is true, Defense is probably the most important subject at the school now. But Miss Umbridge sets out to make it as harmless and impotent a subject as possible. On the first day of class she announces the changes by stating that the regular turnover of teachers, "many of whom do not seem to have followed any Ministry-approved curriculum" has critically hampered the students in light of their upcoming Ordinary Wizarding Levels (exams--think Standard Achievement Tests). But no worries, this year "We will be following a carefully structured, theory-centered, Ministry-approved course of defensive magic this year." Notice the twice repeated "Ministry-approved." She then lists her aims for the course: "1. Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic. 2. Learning to recognize situations in which defensive magic can be legally used. 3. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use." She then sets them to read a chapter in their textbook. Hermione Granger, however, has noticed something significant--the lack of mention of practicing the spells. In other words, Umbridge has no plans for application of anything they will be learning. This seems to be a serious oversight--after all, reading about theories and facts does not automatically lend one success when the time might come to use what one has learned. One must practice application, right? Not according to Umbridge. Her final statement on the matter: "It is the view of the Ministry that a theoretical knowledge will be more than sufficient to get you through your examination, which, after all, is what school is all about." and then "As long as you have studied the theory hard enough, there is no reason why you should not be able to perform the spells under carefully controlled examination conditions." So, why did I write all of this? Those who know me fairly well, already have an idea. Let me say right now, I have no argument with teaching theory and basic fact in a classroom--you have to. And, in fact, in the younger grades, that is mainly what you can teach. Youngsters aren't terribly good at out-of-the-box, abstract thought. However, the modern educational structure/system/theory is imbued with this same idea that the theoretical is enough to pass exams, so why bother with anything else. What it comes down to is this: is the purpose of a K-12 education merely to pass? or is it to train children to think and succeed in the real world? It's a serious question. It seems that the main idea that surrounds the education process these days is that as long as they graduate/pass, it's okay. But at what cost? Of course, we've all heard the dilemma of teachers feeling pressured to "teach the test," but I would question the entire emphasis of modern educational philosophy. The entire structure of modern ed. is centered around "teaching the test," just in a more subtle way. Educational textbooks are filled with watered-down, inoffensive sound bites and politically correct story problems, but very little meat to stimulate independent thought and analysis. We teach a novel so they will know the story and the facts, but how many teachers use literature to analyse the world we see around us? We teach history to know what happened before (although ideas of deconstruction have led to teaching "social studies"--facts about cultures--rather than history), but how many teachers connect what happened in the past with the reasoning behind today's culture and politics. The fact is that modern education at all levels has stagnated. By removing practical application of the theory-centered approved curricula, educators have crippled the thought processes of students. In order to avoid some mythical "offense," students have been cheated out of learning to make connections between their education and their every-day lives. Because of this, many students do not see the value of their education; they do not think it matters to them as people. Their education is merely some letters on a report card that may influence how much money they will make, rather than being a key to understanding and developing themselves as individual humans. They have no practical tools to apply knowledge. Just as Prof. Umbridge's students were just reading about some defensive spells rather than learning to actually defend themselves, many of today's students are merely learning some facts, rather than how/why they are the products of these facts history and literature and science and mathematics. By high school, education ought to be about more than learning facts to pass tests, it ought to be about using facts to understand ourselves, what we believe, and the world around us. I think the philosophy of the Ministry and Prof. Umbridge is exactly what we see in the system around us: safety rather than understanding. And as both the M and P.U. are actively working to blind people to truth while denying what they both know to be true, I think it is intended to be, as is, a very accurate criticism of the modern debacle that is the educational system. (I won't single out public education in this, b/c many private schools are slipping down that path, as well.) Something on which to think, eh?
This is a segue. I now have a small stack of papers to grade. Yes! I did an interesting experiment on my World Lit students. Having more time and ... thoughfulness ... in this class than in others I have taught, I had my students write a critical analysis of Oedipus Rex using as their basis for comparison Aristotle's Ars Poetica. Interesting, huh? Frankly, I think it would be easier to have a basis of critique than otherwise, as you have specific points to deal with and a particular viewpoint already there for you. But I guess I won't know that until I assign another analysis without a comparison ideal. We shall see. We also had a very lively discussion about Socrates and Plato in class. the insistence of Socrates on defining terms being necessary to discussing them, and that words have particular meaning and misusing them corrupts any debate. My students, very astutely, saw a significant cultural application with both those ideas. They are very aware that the culture around us has become rife with the misuse and careless use of words, and that it has hampered our ability to accurately and effectively communicate. Socrates stated that the misuse of words led to a corruption of the soul. I tend to agree with him. The Platonic Ideal was also a very interesting point of discussion. I am personally fascinated by it, which helps. The basic idea, for those who aren't familiar, is that what we see around us in not truly real--it is not the ultimate reality, but a corruption--a shadow, if you will--of an ideal that exists beyond what we see around us. For example, the chair you are now sitting in is not the actual, ultimate chair, but a shadow of an ideal chair that exists beyond us. Sounds kind of strange, doesn't it? Yet then I introduced the spiritual into the conversation--is the world that we see around us the perfect world? No. Is it then the reality that God created? Well, no--it is corrupted by the Fall. Excellent. Therefore, is it safe to say that the world we see around us is a corrupted shadow of the ideal in the mind of God that He will recreate in the future? Well, yes. It was a very interesting discussion indeed. Certainly, I wouldn't wholeheartedly advocate everything Plato wrote as true--we have, obviously, widely differing religious foundations which therefore leads to different conclusions and applications. But. . .he wasn't wrong when he realized that our reality is merely a shadow of Truth. That the corporeal world around us is not all there is to see, and that wisdom comes in seeking the Truth behind/beyond the shadows. Hmmm.
All right. Final thoughts--the girls' basketball team is 3-1 so far (the one ought to be a 0--seriously, you should have seen the game. :{ ). They are playing so very well now. I finally read Kim by Rudyard Kipling. Very interesting. I just may embark on an India kick very soon (two summers ago I was on an Africa kick--I read about 8 books set in Africa in a row). I think A Passage to India may be next--I've already seen the movie, so it's a less daunting project than it was the last time I thought about it. I've also just finished a very interesting and informative book entitled A Matter of Basic Principles. It is an excellent and reasonable criticism of Bill Gothard's Institute of Basic Life Principles and Advanced Training Institute (the homeschool curricula branch of IBLP). Not everyone who reads this blog will have heard of this, but many of you will--this book is worth the read. The authors have raised several impressive objections as talking points, and very soundly defended their criticism. It is not an emotional rant or an unfounded personal dissection as many criticisms are these days. It is a carefully thought out and reasonable approached examination of several key cracks in the foundation of Gothard's system. Definitely worth the time.
And very lastly--since odds are pretty favourable that I won't post again before Sunday (We'll see), I will wish everyone a very blessed Christmas. It is the day to mark the birth of He who gave us the greatest and most necessary example of sacrificial love. Revel in it.

December 01, 2005

oedipus and tests

All right. So, back to my teacher posts. My lit classes are going well, I think. We took last week off for Thanksgiving. This caused some consternation for my English Lit students since they took a test the class before and would have to wait 2 weeks for their grades. Note to any students who read this: harrassing and begging your teacher when you see them outside of class will not encourage them to grade tests any faster than they had already planned. Keep that in mind. At any rate, they all did fine. Yesterday was World Lit test day. I haven't graded those yet, but they should be good, too. After the test, we read Oedipus Rex aloud. It worked out perfectly--with me, there are four of us in the class, so we had just enough people to read. I switched them up every scene and read the chorus lines myself. It was really fun. We did get a bit of a giggle when the two girls were reading the argument between Oedipus and Kreon--they don't ever get to argue, is what I was told, so getting to argue and use ugly names in the argument was a big riot. At any rate, we all enjoyed it. My personal philosophy is to read dramas aloud in class whenever possible. It conveys so much better. That seems kind of basic, but I've debated with people who state that "Unless you read Shakespeare, you don't get the full effect." My response is aways " But Shakespeare wrote the plays to be acted, not read, so it seems to me the full impact is in watching or hearing it." I feel the same with just about all drama. I mean, I enjoy reading plays, but seeing them or hearing them is the best way for students to absorb the themes and conflicts. I will say, though, that Iokaste's line that many men dream about sleeping with their mothers and so Oedipus shouldn't be so concerned about the oracle (said to divert him from pursuing the truth) caused some titters--especially from my sister who was reading Iokaste at the time opposite of the only boy in the class who was reading Oedipus. I got a big kick out of it. But then I am slightly evil. ;) I would like to get my hands on the Tyrone Guthrie version of the play--the staging is in the Greek style--and show it to them. I think I'm also going to use this as an opportunity to teach them how to write an analysis paper, using Aristotle's Poetics to evaluate the tragic elements of Oedipus. Should be interesting. Okay, I have to end this entry because I have cockatiel on my hand and it's very hard to type.

August 26, 2005

procrastination

Alright.

I'm starting World and English Lit co-ops on the 6th of September. I know what I want to cover, I done the book lists, I've written out the authors, etc. Now I have to sit down and do a plan. You know, divide everything up through the year so I know what I'm covering. I've put it off. That would be why I now have to do it. I put it off because i absolutely hate this part of teaching. Then I have to start working on lecture notes, etc. That I don't mind so much. Unfortunately I can't do that until I do the first. Why? Why in life must the unpleasant things happen before the pleasant? It's always this way. If you want to enjoy a roller-coaster, you have to drive to the theme park and stand in line. If you want dessert, you have to eat the beets. If you want a relationship, you have to go through the tortorous process of a first, awkward conversation. Arg. [pause for a corny joke told to me by J.C.: Where to pirates go to eat? Aarrrrrrrby's] I should, in fact, being planning now. Instead I'm making fliers for a kick-off meeting tomorrow where, hopefully, I'll pick up some more students.

Added into all of this mix, I'm coming up with a stretching routine for basketball practice. That's harder than it sounds as it consists of looking at multiple routines that different good coaches use and deciding what will work for us. And then, the reader's theatre that the youth group is doing under my direction performs in church on Sunday. The props aren't finished. There isn't a whole lot, but with the dress rehearsal tonight, I have to get that done. I'm not a very good delegator, either. Plus, there's some minor sewing involved and my sister doesn't like to sew.

On top of it all is the lingering issue of what I'm to do with myself after this school year. I know it isn't imminent, but my brain keeps popping it into the foreground when I have regularly minimized it so I don't have to look at it, yet. [you know I'm a little loopy when I start using computer metaphors] I'll be very glad when the youth drama is finished because that will be one less thing on my plate. Then the basketball. Then I get to add trying to write. I'm not really even sure where to begin. Do I just start writing something I like and then try to get it published? Do I look for small freelance jobs that I can do at home? ARG. I think too much.

On that note, I must off to paint hilts on wooden swords and sew sashes for angelic beings. Then I get to start on procrastinated lesson plans. I need a schedule. I'm not very self-motivated. Sigh.

July 29, 2005

tired of lesson plans

I hate lesson plans. This is the only time that I just wish I were using a textbook to teach. There is just so much involved in this. I started by creating a timeline--well, two: 1 for world history and 1 for british history. Then I went through and started inserting literature where it belonged. But I'm still compiling. I really wish I would find some good literature written during/about britain's roman occupation. I have a couple of poets from the a.d. 500s, but that's post rome. It just seems really over-sight-ful to skip straight to Beowulf (800s) when the roman occupation was 400 or so years of history. Hmmm. If anyone has any idea, let me know. At any rate, I'm deep into determining which books the students will have to buy. That's the hardest, really. Some book are obviously necessary: if we read Morte D'Arthur, then obviously they need to have it. On the other hand are the unsure ones: how many Shakespearean sonnets do I want to study? Will it justify them buying a book? On the whole, my idea is to photocopy whatever I can so they don't have to buy 20 books (I'd like to keep it under 10, and hopefully the dover thrift editions will have the right translators). Ah well. I'm also having a hard time deciding what to do with world lit. I mean, there are some really obvious pieces that need to be covered, The Epic of Gilgamesh, The Aeneid, The Iliad, etc. But what about other, smaller pieces? I want to expose the students as much as I can to many cultures/styles. But. . .you can try to cover too much. What about Africa? South America? Do I try to cover those cultures? I do think a major thrust of the course should be western in nature (because that is the foundation for American and British lit), I think it's a mistake to not open the literary windows to as many view as possible--especially in America where so many cultures have amalgamated. And, of course, there is always the length/accesibility of the literature to be considered. Like which Dickens book to read, which parts of The Aeneid are the most necessary and which can be skipped? Don't get me wrong, I have a very good idea of the answer to most of these (esp. as I have taught World Lit before), but it's in the details that I always overanalise. I wonder if what I've decided is good enough. I wonder if I should add something. I wonder if. . . .Sigh. Normally I would just get a rough idea and then wing it as I go, but I have to have a book list. And there's the rub. And that is why I'm busting my chops to get this fairly slighty cemented. And top of that, tomorrow is the second summer basketball clinic. I missed the first. And with this new situation (being assistant), I'm not sure what all that means in application. What exactly is my input and philosophy counted for? I guess there's nothing to do but see. . . .

March 23, 2005

C.A.T. s--stressful, yes.

Yesterday and today my kids are taking the C.A.T.s. It's a little stressful for me--I have this awful fear that there is something I missed teaching them (like in Grammar) that they will need to know for the test. It's funny, the only times I worry about worst case scenarios are when it has to do with my students. I guess I just feel like there is so much riding on this, not just my students performances, but my future job. I shouldn't be worried though: the kids here always do really well on achievement tests.

This week is also a weird school week. The kids are working on learning poems for a poetry recital competition, so I get to use my SP 101 and 102 teacher-type skills again. These kids are actually pretty good. I haven't listened to my upper school students yet, though, because of the testing--I haven't had composition for two days. (I am on high school student withdrawal, I'm afraid--it's going to be difficult next year) So tomorrow I have to cram 13 poetry readings into 45 minutes--that should be fun. I realized that as many work copies as I've done, and as familiar as I am with them, it isn't very easy to explain them to people who haven't done them. But I utilized my syllabi and we plowed through. Mr. Grainger is much better at it than I am! At any rate, while it is a fun change of pace, it makes the school day a little wierd--change-of-paces tend to do that. And to top it off, with testing and the short week, I decided not to give a new history card this week, so we're just filling in and around to finish up the week. It makes things feel disorganized and random. Bleh. It's alright, though, we'll survive--as long as someone doesn't decide to observe me :).

On a completely different note, my athletic director and I had a long talk about the basketball team last week, and the decision that has been made is a good one, but one that puts me in another grow/learn place. Sigh. Actually, it's what we should have done this year but couldn't because of the business he was starting. The decision is that he will be the official head coach of the girls team so that I can learn how to become a better, competitive coach. It's hard for me because I've been in charge of the team for a year, but I know it's what I need to do in order to become the coach I need to be for the team to be competitive in this league. Jeff knows more about which drills to use to develop the skills I know the girls need. So, this should be interesting. Based on what I saw of how he worked with the JV assistant coach, I think I'll have a lot of input and leeway, especially as the year progresses. I also intend to teach myself a lot this summer (which I did not have time to do last summer due to the last minuteness of it all). Sometimes I get so tired of growing!

On an even different note, the varsity softball and baseball teams won last night. My brother has a win for his pitching stats!!!!!!! I'm so proud. They played a great game. The girls played well, but they had an advantage as their opponents are in their first year of play. It showed. But the other school's basketball teams kicked ours this year, so it all evened out. :) They play again tomorrow--the boys have a double header--so I hope they can hold their record. Go Patriots!

February 18, 2005

valentines and teacher appreciation

Although I am not a huge fan of Valentine's Day (it's just so sappy and needlessly coercive/guilt trip-y), I did enjoy it this year. When celebrated with kids it's pretty fun. Snoopy valentines and sprinkle cupcakes are so much more fun than Hallmark cards and flowers. They really are. I've figured out why I prefer spending time with high school kids (guys, esp.) than with most people my age (again, guys, esp.): at some point between high school and after high school, people become like Valentine's Day--they start taking themselve far too seriously. High school kids (and grammar kids) are, for the most part, unabashadly open about how they feel and think. Grown-ups aren't so much. Take flirting, for example. High school kids just have fun with it. They flirt because it's fun, and though they are clumsy, they are transparent. Grown-ups, on the other hand, are pretentious about flirtation. They conjure up ridiculous "pick-up" lines that they attempt to make sophisticated and smooth. And they are either ridiculously over-confident or freakishly stressed-out because they aren't "smooth" enough. Give me clumsy and transparent over sophisticated and smooth any day. I guess that's why I'd rather have Snoopy Valentines over drippy lover cards any day.

So, now that I've covered that. This week has been a review of hand-raising. Gotta love grammar school memory spans. And I had to send a girl to detention yesterday. Bleg. But, she earned three strikes and that means a detention. I'm having to learn how to be a good disciplinarian. I'm not one. I have a tendency to be overly merciful. And then I get to the point where I've given too much mercy and so I'm frustrated with them and me, and then I end up disciplining out of anger. I know that reactionary discipline is bad, but I have trouble avoiding it. However, since I am now working on a "promotion" of sorts (becoming the Dialectic Humanities teacher) for next year, I need to learn. And learn well. And soon. So, one of my colleagues is really helping me out. I have mentioned her before--she's the one that actually helps me by offering goals and suggestions rather than just observations of what's needed. Our earlier projects of room cleanliness and classroom order have really helped. My new project is being strict with deadlines for papers in composition. I have, again, a tendency to be overly merciful. With high schoolers this is really bad because they tend to take advantage of mercy. And this quester they have been really bad--not just with me, they have been turning in late work left and right. So. Another thing for me to improve on. Actually, this is really difficult for me. I have a tendency to take criticism as a personal critique and get defensive when I don't need to, thus much of this growing has more to do with teacheableness than ability to teach. Sigh. But it's good for me.

I must also say that I LOVE TEACHER APPRECIATION WEEK! Not only to my kids give me very sweet gifts, but there is also great food! Yay!

My girls only have one basketball game left. It makes me a little sad because I enjoy seeing them and coaching them, but I am happy to have less stress and more evenings. :) I am excited about doing it next year, though, which kind of surprises me since I wasn't terribly excited about taking the job in the first place. Huh. I guess stuff like that grows on you.

Well, though this isn't a thourough update, I must off to finish writing a syllabus! Yipee!

January 14, 2005

Projects and Stuff

Well, I've been informed that I'm being too easy (academically) on