A Day In The Journey

First quarter is almost over, and I've compiled a list through these weeks of things it would be nice if parents never did, and things they should always do. So, spend a minute perusing and save your children's future teacher a little grief.

What you should never do:
1. Let your 5th grade son, or any 5th grade child, whine to you about all the bad things that happened to him that day.
2. Proclaim that your child would never break any rules.
3. Believe that your child would never be unkind to anyone, and that is why he cannot understand when other people are unkind to him.
4. Coddle your son.
5. Tell your 8th grade student that what the teacher is teaching them in class is a "big waste of time."
6. Come into your child's classroom and reprimand his classmates for being unkind to him, for being unkind in general, and then explain how "sensitive" your son is.
7. Go to the head instructor complaining that your child's teacher is not "dealing" with problems in the class (aka: anything that bothers your child), when you have never spoken with said teacher about problems, nor asked how she had or had not dealt with said problems.
8. Justify your child's selfish behavior.
9. Try to control every aspect of your child's classroom/recess experience.
10. Agree with your child that the teacher graded their work badly.

What you should always do:
1. Forbid your child from relating only their perceived negative experiences. Encourage them instead to relate positives that happened during the day, and learn to ignore the negatives that just aren't so important.
2. Understand that your child is a sinner just like every other child.
3. Recognize that your child, again, is a sinner. He understands perfectly well why people are unkind; he just doesn't like it when it happens to him.
4. Raise a warrior son, not a self-absorbed whiner. Teach your son to stand up for himself and ignore what isn't worth standing up to, rather than running to you whenever something happens that he doesn't like.
5. Tell your child that learning is its own benefit. Tell them that even though it may be difficult or frustrating, learning to see things from several perspectives, learning to take things apart and apply new knowledge to them, is never a waste of time.
6. Recognize that children can be cruel and painting a big target of weakness on your son will be the worst thing you can do for him if he is feeling targeted already. Do not label your son as "sensitive" only, and then use that as a reason to avocate for him creating an embarrassing situation for all concerned. Teach your son compassion for others rather than "sensitivity" with regards to himself. See the next point.
7. Treat your child's teacher with respect. Go to the teacher first whenever you have a problem or concern. They may not be aware that there is a problem, or they may have already dealt with it timely and appropriately. Going over your teacher's head or usurping her classroom does not encourage your teacher to listen to your concerns. If you treat your child's teacher with respect, she will, in turn, respect you and be amenable to watching for and correcting the things that concern you.
8. Recognize selfishness for what it is: it isn't being sensitive when it only happens when the child is offended. Teach your child that others are more important than they are. Teach them to give others the benefit of the doubt, to not assume that everything that happens around them is directed toward them, and to ignore offenses directed at them while defending others, not themselves, from offense.
9. Let go of your children. Certainly there are stages of letting go depending on your child's age, but practice appropriate space from an early age. Controlling your child's school experience reflects a lack of confidence in your child's teacher while it also hampers your child from becoming who God has ordained them to be. Let them go. Let them stumble, if necessary. They won't learn to pay attention until the suffer the consequences of not paying attention. Understand that just because the teacher does things differently from you does not mean that her methods aren't affective.
10. Back up the teacher. If you have a question about something, speak with the teacher privately. Take the opportunity to teach your child that if she's made a bad grade, she should pay attention to why and make appropriate changes. Always, back up the teacher.

So, parents and future parents please pay attention. I know that the list of "nevers" is easier to do than the list of "alwayses." But the things that are best for your children aren't always the easiest things. Your child's teachers are on the same side as you: seeking the excellence of your children. These are just some thoughts from the teacher side of things.